Romance. Sigh. Romance. Its something that no girl can live without. No. Really. We can’t. The need for romance is actually part of us. It is a deep psychological need that all women have, and it begins to show itself in girls as young as age 4! Nope, I am not making this up hoping hubby reads it and buys me flowers (although I certainly wouldn’t complain!) In a presentation given in 2004 Dr. Phillip Mango (www.saintmichael.net) discusses the needs of men and women, and one of the needs of women is Romance.
Think about it. From a very early age what intrigues most girls? Princesses. And what happens to princesses? Handsome princes come, rescue them, sweep them off their feet, and then marry them to live happily ever after. Isn’t this what we all want? Maybe we aren’t in a dungeon or a high castle tower, but we very well could be ‘trapped’ by piles of laundry and domestic chores (hmm Cinderella anyone?) Maybe the wicked, evil queen isn’t plotting our demise, but our mothers or mothers in law could have an unhealthy or even hurtful relationship with us. (Snow White, perhaps?) Maybe we need to be rescued from work, from ourselves, or from a hurtful relationship. Maybe we feel forgotten, or maybe we are just waiting to be swept off our feet! There is a reason that these stories are timeless and appeal to us from age 3 until 103 (or older!). It is because they touch us on deeper level than we realize. It is because we need Romance.
Sadly many of us feel that we have to make do without. We may even try to convince ourselves that we don’t need it. Perhaps it’s because you are single. Maybe its because you are in one of the “for worse” times of your marriage. It’s possible that your boyfriend or fiance just doesn’t want to try so hard…whatever the reason, to deny that we need romance is only deluding ourselves and nothing good can come from it.
So what then are we to do? Romance afterall can be risky – we risk getting our hearts broken and trampled on by the white horse our prince charming is supposed to be riding. Thats a pretty scary thought.
And lets face it, none of us are really expecting a tall, dark and handsome prince charming. I think we’d all settle for a Knight in Shining Blue jeans to rescue us from housework and take us out to a movie – after telling us how beautiful we were of course. And I’d take the minivan over a white horse if it meant being romanced a little! But what if even that hope seems a little too unrealistic right now?
Well, I have good news! God created you with this need (yes, need, I am not overemphasizing here) for romance, and therefore we can safely assume that HE would be able to fill it.
Think about it; it would be awfully cruel for God to create us with a need and then to deny us that very thing we need, wouldn’t it? “But I am single!” “I am in a rough spot in my marriage.” “My fiance doesn’t care about romance right now.” “My boyfriend thinks romance is for girly-men.” My dear reader, the first thing you can do is communicate your need. We have to be fair to our men because many of them have never learned how to romance a woman (and some don’t know that we want them to!) – so we must communicate our need with love and be patient. Then we give it to God.
“Oh, thanks, Laura, that really helped.” I’m serious. We have a God who is crazy-go-nuts about us! He WANTS to Romance us! I like how Stasi Eldredge explains it in her book Captivating “God is a gentlemen” and he would therefore never force Himself on us, or force romance on us. But all we have to do is ask! Its sounds too simple doesn’t it. We ask God to Romance us, and He will, but its true. He is just waiting for you to ask! You see, sadly its been too many of our experiences that men will fail us, abandon us, hurt us. Maybe it was a father-figure, maybe a boyfriend, a husband, a brother, regardless of who, thanks to the Fall (in the Garden of Eden…apple……yeah, that Fall) we women are most likely going to be hurt by a man. The sad part is that we tend to put this onto God. We then begin to be fearful of Him, to mistrust Him, or to guard ourselves from Him. In reality, all he wants to do is show us just how much He truly loves us!
I have personally had this experience. I didn’t really believe that God would romance me, but I was sorely lacking in the “feeling romanced’ department so I took the bait. “OK, God, if you really want to romance me, I could use some..so go ahead……and God, I hope this works!” (really eloquent on my part, don’t you think?) Well, later on that day I took my kids to the grocery store. On our way back into the car to go home my daughter, who was 4 at the time, looked at the sky and said, “Look Mommy, God painted the sky – He wanted to show us how much He loves us so He painted it pink and purple for us!” Sure enough I looked at the sunset and it was absolutely gorgeous. It made a Kinkade painting look like the work of a toddler. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open because in that moment as my eyes drank in God’s beauty, my heart was touched by His love. I knew He was answering my half-hearted prayer.
Another time it was near Christmas. I was burnt out, broke and needed Christmas presents for my children. I had had it. My husband was out late at a choir rehearsal and I went into my bedroom and I just lit into God. “OK God, you are supposed to be romancing me! I don’t feel romanced. I feel stressed out, and worried because I don’t have any Christmas presents for the kids and I can’t afford them. So where is the Romance, God?! When you romance someone you give them gifts. Where are my gifts? (by now I am crying and ‘whisper- screaming’ – the kids were in bed!) C’mon God, you want to romance me? Where are my gifts!? Thats what you do when you romance somebody – and I don’t have any! WHERE ARE MY GIFTS!?” Ok so I admit it wasn’t the most rational moment of my life, and I am glad my husband wasn’t there to witness my near-hysteria, but thank God He is so patient! Well, about 20 minutes later my husband came home from choir and he was hauling these two huge – I mean HUGE – garbage bags. “What are those?” I asked him. “I don’t know,” he said “so-and-so from choir told me to come to her car afterwards because she had something for us. She gave me these and said that the Church decided to give them to us and that I couldn’t open them without you.” By now I was darned curious so he handed me a bag and said, “Go ahead, open it.” I opened the bag and looked inside. I was absolutely speechless. It was full of gifts. Gifts. So was the other one. From the Church. For Christmas. For the kids – and even a few for my husband and I. I recall my eyes filling up with tears and sitting on the floor muttering, “Gifts…He gave me gifts. He really did it. He gave me gifts.” I think my husband thought I was going crazy. It turns out that the Church made us the recipients of their giving tree and all the gifts inside for were children our kids’ ages, and for adults in Chris’ and my sizes. I still get choked up when I think about how profoundly God touched my heart that night – despite my screaming at Him!
You see, God knows what will touch your heart. Maybe it’s a sunset. Maybe its a passage from a book that you happen to read. Maybe its a beautiful rainbow. Perhaps its something no one else would understand – but you do. (Like lately God has been sending me frogs. I know, weird, but I love frogs and lately whenever I have needed a “God-hug” a little frog will find its way to my feet and I just know its His way of telling me He loves me!)
You see, because knows us so well – He did create us afterall – He can Romance us perfectly. He knows what will speak to our hearts at any given time. Be it a Rose blooming in winter (yup, happened), a rainbow at precisely the right time (also happened), or even a frog, He wants to give us beautiful gifts and messages that Romance us and remind us that He is totally in love with our beautiful feminine hearts.
So until that Knight in Shining blue jeans shows up and sweeps you off your feet, or until he at least gets off the couch and Romances you a little, you can rest assured that God will fill in the gaps – when the romance runs a little low, He is glad to fill you with His beautiful gifts and shower you with His beauty. Let’s face it, our men are human. How generous of God to pick up the slack when our Prince Charmings are a little less than charming, and to fill our beautiful, feminine need for Romance.
(and ladies, let’s not give up on our Knights in Shining Blue Jeans…they are out there, and if you are married to one, God will work on him – maybe he just needs a new set of armor…I mean jeans 😉